Underdiagnosed

Available for free use and quotations! Just please don't claim it as your own, obviously. Please note that I reserve the right to reply to any comments posted here regardless of who they were originally addressing and when they were originally posted.
Granted, this is really just my opinion and you don’t have to share it, but at least hear me out.

When your identity and/or ability to be happy is defined by your desire for sex, you are obsessed.

I am an asexual Christian. I am romantically attracted to men, but I have no desire whatsoever to do the do. This gives me a unique view of the world: I can look at it with objective eyes, not sexualized eyes. Instead of just accepting humanity as horny little animals as if it's the norm, I can ask "what is sex really for" and "why do people want it," and "is it really that important?"

My point is simple: our culture is addicted to sex. Sex addiction can manifest itself in many ways, but thought habits and physical responses are most commonly seen. What with approximately 1.21 million abortions done in America each year and 94% of those abortions done after consensual sex and done purely for convenience (1% due to rape and/or incest, 5% due to the mother’s life being in danger/jeopardy), and that only 52% of women who obtain abortions report using any form of birth control in the month leading up to pregnancy (and that number is probably too high, seeing as many women will and have lied, and if they do lie, they will lie to make themselves look good), how people can peaceably disagree about almost anything but never anything relating to our sexualities, not to mention the fact that families who are perfectly capable of adopting almost always choose not to adopt because they'd rather have sex (lipizzaner-kgirl.deviantart.co…), the evidence is overwhelming.

Plenty of people see this in our society today. I am not the only one. People see the consequences and want change, but we’re all too busy playing the blame game to do anything about it. Religious groups tend to blame “the world,” when in truth, the same sex addiction is seen in religious individuals as well as the secular. Religious people are often more likely to seek help and overcome such problems because they believe them to be sinful (depending on the religion), or they may just altogether avoid situations that might put them in a bad place, but no one religious or non-religious group is immune to sex addiction. Many women (usually feminists) blame men as the sole cause of the problem, saying that all men have too strong of a sex drive, all men are rapists, and other such unfair and often false claims. Some men blame women as the cause of the problem, saying that staring, groping, etc. is justified because the woman dressed provocatively. In truth, it’s not just men’s or just women’s faults: it’s everyone’s fault.

 Just turn on the television. Chances are that as you’re flipping through the channels, you’ll come across countless scenes of people passionately kissing (or more). Even marketers know about our culture’s addiction and try to use it to their advantage. Watch a few commercials. The act of something as mundane as eating a hamburger is portrayed as being sexual. How many gorgeous, scantily-clad individuals are shown in order to promote random products or services? Flip through the magazines in your local shop. Do we really need to know which celebrity had sex with which celebrity? How much money are we willing to spend in order to attract the object(s) of our desire? And to what end? Average people stroll around half-naked regularly, and not in order to stay cool on a hot day. The songs on the radio are mostly about two subjects: love/sex and drugs. In general, when humanity isn't eating or fighting, we're mating or thinking about it.

Virgins in our culture are looked down upon, as if there is something wrong with them. If we aren't too busy bullying them, we even go so far as to try to fix them, offering to “help them with that”. Do we care that it’s probably their choice not to have sex? No. We think everyone needs sex and it’s strange, wrong, or even unhealthy when people choose not to. For example, when my sister went to the hospital as a young woman/teenager, the doctors were surprised when they found out she was a virgin. Virginity, even in young people, is something almost unheard of in our culture. No, virgins do not "just need a good lay." Chances are they chose not to have sex for their own personal reasons. Perhaps they don't want to risk contracting a sexually-transmitted disease, perhaps they're showing self-control by abstaining until marriage, or perhaps they (gasp) just aren't interested in having sex. We've even made a sexuality for people who aren't interested in sex: we call them asexual, as if they're different or "weird."

People in our culture want sex so badly that they feel they need it and are willing to act irresponsibly and/or hurt others or themselves in order to get it. When your identity or your capacity to be happy revolves around how and/or when you can have sex, you are addicted.

God ordained sex in marriage. That is true. Many Christians (usually men) take this a step further, claiming that sex is required in marriage or that married couples should never attempt to use wisdom or self control when it comes to sex. That is where they have taken a good thing, a gift from God, and have turned it into an idol. To use God as their justification for that idolatry is taking the Lord's name in vain. If they won't adopt or foster care because their sexualized marriage has caused them to have too many biological kids, then that is selfishness on top of idolatry and taking the Lord's name in vain. So no, this is not just a "worldy" problem. Sex addiction is very prevelant in the church, it just manifests itself differently.

From www.gotquestions.org/Bible-ase…:
"So, is it wrong for a person to have no desire to get married [or in my case, no desire for sex]? According to 1 Corinthians 7, no, it most definitely is not wrong. Remaining single can be a very good thing, as it can free a person to have more time to serve God. Remaining single, though, does not necessarily indicate asexuality, that is, a lack of desire for the opposite sex. The gift of singleness mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7 is the ability to be content without marriage, not necessarily lacking any and all desire for marriage. If one has no desire for marriage/sex, and is confident that this is of the Lord, he/she should use the time of singleness for wholehearted service in God’s kingdom. It would not be wrong, though, to seek medical consultation, to ensure that the asexuality is not due to some sort of hormonal imbalance [which is exactly what I did.]"

In the words of one of my friends:
"While I'm not asexual myself, even I know our society is way too obsessed with sex and procreation. I have constantly heard people say the purpose of marriage is solely for sex and procreation and they've all been Christians. Then the non-Christians think that, when I say my soulmate and I love each other, that means we're having sex. I was very horny as an early teen, but I grew up and sometimes I feel like others didn't. And to call someone who is asexual immature just seems laughable to me. So thank you for being brave enough not just to be yourself but to dare to say there's more to life than sex. There's love, and it doesn't have to be about sex.

I think there's a lot of value in having a perspective that is different than most people. For example, somehow most people seem to be completely unaware of the constant and relentless push to find a partner and have sex. Even as a small child, I'd see kids paired off into romantic situations with each other in children's movies. The songs would overwhelmingly be about romantic relationships with a gear toward physical intimacy. Movie posters would be strong men and barely dressed women. By middle school, adults would constantly ask who kids are dating and, if they said no one, they were told they'd "find someone soon." By high school, being a virgin was frowned upon. If you're not married or at least dating by your twenties, many people will actually think something's wrong with you. And, although Christians should know better, they quote "be fruitful and multiply" to say we're somehow required to breed children, completely ignoring the fact that's only said at two historical points, after creation and after the flood. Yet somehow, with all the incredibly obvious social pressures, very few people notice. Those who do see it for what it is are able to observe and start questioning things. That may be why people with an outside perspective seem more mature to me."

Definition of “addiction”: addiction  (əˈdɪkʃən)  — n "the condition of being unnaturally dependent on some habit, example: compulsive dependency on narcotic drugs."

Just doing what comes naturally?

 Yes, the sexual drive is natural. I am not arguing against that. If we didn't have it, we wouldn't be here. The chief end of sex is procreation, no matter how much people will fight against that fact. We all learned that in biology class, so get used to it. Humans have come up with some pretty ingenious ways of avoiding pregnancy and I don't believe they're all wrong, but that fact still remains that the reason we humans have a sex drive is in order to reproduce. (lipizzaner-kgirl.deviantart.co…)  However, as higher/”evolved” beings, one would expect the human race to be able to control itself and not act irresponsibly over a natural desire. When your desire becomes so unnaturally strong that it literally dominates your thoughts day in and day out and/or it causes you to act irresponsibly and/or are even be willing to hurt others or yourself, you are indeed addicted.

The same as a "food or water addiction"?

I have been told that if we are addicted to sex, then by that same definition we are also addicted to food and water. Not so. The difference lies in need. We need food and water, but we do not need sex. If you go without food or water, you will inevitably die, and quite soon, too. You will not die if you go without having sex. Yes, our species requires sex in order to survive in the long term, but we are far from endangered and I am speaking individually. Countless people have lived healthy, happy, productive lives without ever having sex. When your desire for sex is so strong that you feel you need to have sex, you are obsessed and most likely addicted.

On top of that, there is significant evidence that shows that people are actually addicted to certain foods. Sugar, for instance, has been observed to be as or more addictive than some illegal drugs, and many women have been known to feel that they “need” chocolate during that time of the month (Although no one is sure why women want chocolate. More research is needed.)

People have also mentioned that if we're addicted to sex because we feel that we "need" it, then we must also be addicted to, let's say, a good shower at the end of a long day. However, someone's "need" for showers, TV, etc. and someone's "need" for sex is a little bit different. You might really, really want a shower, but I highly doubt you're willing to "risk everything" in order to get one. However, people routinely "risk everything" in order to have sex. People have been known to destroy their careers, their families, their education, their future, their places of power (kings, crown princes, governors, presidents, etc. have thrown away their crowns in exchange for one night of pleasure), and even destroy their health and/or their lives to get sex. What does that sound like? It sounds like a person on drugs.

Withdrawal symptoms?

I have been asked that if people were truly addicted to sex, why do so few suffer from withdrawal symptoms when they can’t get it? The answer is because it's very easy to satisfy sex withdrawal. Porn, masturbation, sex toys, etc., are all things that people use on a regular basis to keep their withdrawal symptoms under control.

There is also a difference between physical addictions versus mental or psychological addictions. Sex addiction can be both. It’s similar to a bad habit, but people can also become addicted to the hormones that go along with it. Withdrawal symptoms are most commonly seen with chemical addictions (a.k.a. physical addictions, not mental or psychological addictions.) The reason is that withdrawal is caused by the body (particularly the brain) becoming accustomed to a certain chemical(s) (usually drugs) being in the bloodstream or in body tissues. When that chemical is absent, the body craves more. Sex addiction is usually is mental, not chemical. While the body does release hormones and many people have been known to become addicted to those hormones (which is where porn, masturbation, and such come into play), the majority of people desire the actual sexual encounter, not just the hormones. My argument is that people can also be addicted to the action of having sex. Withdrawal symptoms can be so diluted in many cases of addiction so that simply being unhappy about not getting the addictive substance/action could be withdrawal, depending on the individual. So, in fact, our culture may actually be suffering from sex withdrawal and we don’t even know it. I’m not inclined to believe that average people suffer from sex withdrawal, but it is a possibility.

Doctors typically only diagnose sex addiction as a physical addiction (addiction to sexual hormones), but I argue that it can also be a mental or psychological addiction. An example of an addiction similar to mental sex addiction is addiction to gambling. Many people love to gamble so much that they literally become addicted to the game, just like how people become addicted to sex.

Please note that I do not think sex is bad. I do not think the natural sex drive is bad. I am not prudish. I have no qualms about openly discussing sex and things related to sex (such as rape) in everyday conversations. What I do think is bad is our culture being so driven to have sex that we act irresponsibly, hurt others, and/or hurt ourselves in order to get it. What I think is bad is sex addiction or obsession.

Undoubtedly I’ll be getting a lot of hate for writing this, but what do you expect from an addicted public? Does anyone want to believe that they are an addict? If people post furious comments about how we are not addicted, well, there you have it. Disagreeing is one thing, but getting downright upset about it smacks of guilt.